Hello everybody. My apologies for the gap in posts I've been in jolly old England taking a needed vacation. I was fortunate and had some great weather, amazing company in my family and friends and an overall good time catching up, relaxing and in general just living the lazy day moments.
As the impending approach to my return home came closer I noticed a small tension creeping into my system. Bit by bit it started to overtake me. On the final day, as I boarded the plane, I noted that I was very focussed. Focussed in a way that I can only describe as "Steeling myself for the return home."
Examining myself I realized that there was zero desire to come back to this reality. It is not one that I enjoy - let me qualify that. I love my life and my choices to follow the artistic path. Right now there is a lack of work, and I'm not acting enough. Although my bills are being paid through day jobs, which I enjoy, they in the end are not how I want to spend the majority of my time and currently, along with the last many months, the majority of my day is spent at a day job.
This is of course one of the realities which many artists face - the artistic pursuit as a seeming hobby while day to day life is taken care of by other means. Not exactly what we want but something we were aware of when we chose this path. Moving to the idea of choosing our own path I began to reassess what this path is.
From the start I knew this was a path which most likely did not lead to riches, it was a path of challenge, there would be copious struggles while artistic pursuits were funded by day jobs, there would be challenges keeping the moral up, a separation of monetary success from other friends, a fatigue of working more than one job, and it was all worth it because through and through I'm an actor and I love acting.
Not consciously associated to this path was the North American Dream Ideal that regardless of your path if you put in your dues and do the right things you will be lead to success. This is not always the case as the arts go. In truth this has been getting me down. I look at all the steps and think why isn't it working? When will I gain some forward momentum and "be an actor?" What I did not realize for myself is that I have been putting out negative energy - "oh I don't think it can be done", "I've come this far with nothing to show!" etc.
It is my belief that what we put out there is what we get back. Sometimes it is hard to remember and act accordingly. Along with that the universe works in some strange ways and it so happens that as I was flying home I received an email with a link to an interview on - putting the right energy out there.
So today as I watched this wonderful video I heard the speaker say something that stands out for me. That all the time little things are happening that bring us closer to our goals. Like anything else they don't happen immediately and it takes time to build the momentum before these little things add up to a big thing. The irony is if you are focussed on the negative - why hasn't it happened yet?- then you negate the stuff that is already in the works.
An example: Working with a small unknown group is fun but feels like it is going nowhere. You begin to think this is never going to happen, why am I spending my time with this group. Through all of this someone with more clout sees a show notes your work and asks you to a coffee to discuss another show. Now this person is not high on the totem pole either but they are closer. In fact what you don't know is they have one friend who is really high up there and they are coming to see the show you are discussing over coffee when it is presented. You attend your coffee meeting thinking "Wow another small useless company. What am I doing with my life?" and so your poor energy dominates the coffee meeting and this little nobody producer decides "I don't like the way that went, I'll find someone else." Too bad for you cause his buddy is Spielberg, and the lead you just got turned down for is about to be handed to someone else.
Some out there would say that seems extreme but we all know it is based in reality - it may not be Spielberg but another step closer. What it comes down to for me, and what was said in the video, is that we need to show up. We need to bring with us the focus that says we are doing it, we will get there. That is the energy which brings us more. So the challenge is - Show Up!
If you're interested this was the video that gave me that reminder today:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-7Zs-XALDM
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Day Job
As an actor it has been a slow week.
I cannot believe I am about to say this but…
Thankfully it has been.
Like many actor's, I'd venture to say most, I have a day job.
Actually I have three day jobs.
Each one offers me the flexibility to pursue acting; but, due to that no single one offers me enough income consistently to just have one job
So I balance my schedule with the adeptness of a juggler doing the chainsaw finale and make sure I show up at the right place, with the right material, at the right time. Careful planning
I am fortunate, I believe, because I truly enjoy the work I do during the day
Many actors, I understand, loathe the day job; however, it pays the bills when acting does not
It is an evil which must be endured
I've spoke of so many things that make acting a challenge
The craft itself is ongoing work, the networking, the vulnerability and so on
One more thing we actors consider is what do I do to make money?
We are not all sitting on a Hollywood A-List where day jobs are a thing of the past
The majority are unknown and part of our quest is something to fill the days with a flexibility to run out and make the audition; but most importantly pay the bills
So although this past week was slow as an actor
I was fortunate to gain full time work at my day job
Make some money and have no distractions
Not my dream week for sure
Nonetheless it was a week I am grateful for
Thanks Universe for putting rent in my pocket with comfortable ease.
I cannot believe I am about to say this but…
Thankfully it has been.
Like many actor's, I'd venture to say most, I have a day job.
Actually I have three day jobs.
Each one offers me the flexibility to pursue acting; but, due to that no single one offers me enough income consistently to just have one job
So I balance my schedule with the adeptness of a juggler doing the chainsaw finale and make sure I show up at the right place, with the right material, at the right time. Careful planning
I am fortunate, I believe, because I truly enjoy the work I do during the day
Many actors, I understand, loathe the day job; however, it pays the bills when acting does not
It is an evil which must be endured
I've spoke of so many things that make acting a challenge
The craft itself is ongoing work, the networking, the vulnerability and so on
One more thing we actors consider is what do I do to make money?
We are not all sitting on a Hollywood A-List where day jobs are a thing of the past
The majority are unknown and part of our quest is something to fill the days with a flexibility to run out and make the audition; but most importantly pay the bills
So although this past week was slow as an actor
I was fortunate to gain full time work at my day job
Make some money and have no distractions
Not my dream week for sure
Nonetheless it was a week I am grateful for
Thanks Universe for putting rent in my pocket with comfortable ease.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Cry for Me
"I'm an actor."
"Really. Does that mean you can cry on the spot?"
No not really.
Some actors can, but most of them, at least the one's I know, have to at least work it up a little before it can happen.
I have heard that question, hell, I can't even count how many times.
And really it is one that has bothered me, because it always digresses into the question,
"What kind of actor are you if you can't?"
It is said in jest.
Regardless, it stings, digging into an area of misconception about what actor's do.
And for all the truth I have just written-today is the first day that I thought about it differently.
The heart of acting is simplicity. It requires the mastery of one thing: vulnerability.
The ability to fully open oneself and respond truthfully to what you hear from your fellow actors.
Vulnerability allow actors access to all their emotions; unimpeded by anything, so they can reach, explore, and share everything.
That is the craft I love and the job I do.
Many actors have problems crying on stage and screen
I am one of them
And today I wonder - what kind of actor am I if I can't access everything?
So - I'm learning to cry.
Never stop striving for your passion.
Find something everyday that helps you to grow in and become better at what you love.
"Really. Does that mean you can cry on the spot?"
Some actors can, but most of them, at least the one's I know, have to at least work it up a little before it can happen.
I have heard that question, hell, I can't even count how many times.
And really it is one that has bothered me, because it always digresses into the question,
"What kind of actor are you if you can't?"
It is said in jest.
Regardless, it stings, digging into an area of misconception about what actor's do.
And for all the truth I have just written-today is the first day that I thought about it differently.
The heart of acting is simplicity. It requires the mastery of one thing: vulnerability.
The ability to fully open oneself and respond truthfully to what you hear from your fellow actors.
Vulnerability allow actors access to all their emotions; unimpeded by anything, so they can reach, explore, and share everything.
That is the craft I love and the job I do.
Many actors have problems crying on stage and screen
I am one of them
And today I wonder - what kind of actor am I if I can't access everything?
So - I'm learning to cry.
Never stop striving for your passion.
Find something everyday that helps you to grow in and become better at what you love.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Shout Out!
This blog is a shout out to an Brian Mifsud.
I met Brian a few months ago through our agency,
actually I think it was about a year ago, but, it has only been the last few months we have spent time collaborating.
Brian is someone who supports other actors. He has come out to my show and my screening. He has been at my house to run a workshop and he has met me for coffee a number of times to chat. When he has not been available to help he's offered alternate resources.
When he is not out to see something of mine, I know he is seeing something someone else did. He develops and hosts workshops to help others get involved, he posts in our actor's group and he makes his presence known. He does this selflessly but its payoff is that he looks and seems really connected to the scene. He is aware and a point man.
It takes drive to push for your own career, it takes more to help others also.
Thanks Brian.
I met Brian a few months ago through our agency,
actually I think it was about a year ago, but, it has only been the last few months we have spent time collaborating.
Brian is someone who supports other actors. He has come out to my show and my screening. He has been at my house to run a workshop and he has met me for coffee a number of times to chat. When he has not been available to help he's offered alternate resources.
When he is not out to see something of mine, I know he is seeing something someone else did. He develops and hosts workshops to help others get involved, he posts in our actor's group and he makes his presence known. He does this selflessly but its payoff is that he looks and seems really connected to the scene. He is aware and a point man.
It takes drive to push for your own career, it takes more to help others also.
Thanks Brian.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Get Out Of My Way
I have this idea, delusion, or thought that out there in cyberspace a decent number of people read this blog regularly.
That occasionally the blog strikes them enough to share it with a friend or two
I don't write to impress, or to get accolades, or anything along those lines; I simply write to put stuff out there and share/give my ideas or thoughts on stuff - primarily acting.
Today as I sit here at my computer I cannot help but honestly wonder how many people this specific thought applies to:
What is in my way?
I rolled out of bed today and I thought what do I need to do?
A list of things hit me, from the menial to the trivial and to the all important (pay the rent!)
Then I paused and I wondered what do I want to do?
And I paused again what do I want to do because it advances me?
And so I came to how do I want to advance?
What thing will I do today that allows me to advance in my career, in my life, in my humanity?
What is in my way from answering that question and then acting on it?
I ran the list of to "do's" once again. I discovered that many of these things need to be done. Not much choice. They are the simple social and personal tasks that allow us to live in society. Rent must be paid, garbage taken out, bills paid, food eaten etc. How much time does it take? Given a little bit of thought these tasks, often daily tasks, do not take much time. They do take organization, and thought so they can be put into my day and accomplished but they don't take up much time.
What is left, and what do I want to do? Read a play, work out, edit, write, blog the list goes on. So why am I not doing them? These things in reality take longer. Why? Because I will focus on them and dedicate myself to them and work on them till I feel complete with them. They are not the garbage they are the "breath" of my life. So I asked myself again why am I not accomplishing them? To everyone reading, use me as an example right now and think about it. I would like to read one play weekly, I'm not doing it, but really how hard is it to set aside a total of two hours once a week? or one hour twice a week? or….It is not that hard. It requires effort, it requires planning and thought but it is not that hard.
Comfort is the state in which the individual, for better or worse, is familiar with surroundings, routines, habits and regular motion of the situation the individual is in. Stepping outside of that comfort zone feels insane. Think about that nice warm bed on a cold winter morning and how hard it can be to remove the covers. Yeah, stepping out of the comfort zone is crazy. Staying in it is crazier. I read an article once about abused women. Statistically speaking even after a serious event, something where some level of intervention occurs to help the woman break away from the abuse, the woman will return to the abusive relationship or find herself in another abusive relationship when she moves on. All the "they" people in the world point out that regardless of its detriment to the woman it is a place of comfort, "at least I know what it is like to be abused and what to expect today", that is easier to accept and go to than the fear of, "being alone and never finding a good man", or "finding the courage to simply be alone", or "going home to start again" or…or…or…
I am comfortable doing what I am doing. On my plate, in this comfortable place, are a lot of things that I could be doing to change myself, to grow and achieve. So what is standing in my way? Why am I not doing what I want to do? I have been thinking about this question since I woke up this morning. There is only one answer. I am standing in my way!
I turn it back to you my readers and I ask you this - Are you standing in your own way? If so why and do you want to step out of your comfort zone?
My final thought is one that sits in the belief that the world changes through little actions multiplied thousands of times. If you know someone who stands in their own way, forward them this blog, and see if it offers any impetus for them. See if it generates conversation. See if it effects in any way. And then work with those outcomes.
That occasionally the blog strikes them enough to share it with a friend or two
I don't write to impress, or to get accolades, or anything along those lines; I simply write to put stuff out there and share/give my ideas or thoughts on stuff - primarily acting.
Today as I sit here at my computer I cannot help but honestly wonder how many people this specific thought applies to:
What is in my way?
I rolled out of bed today and I thought what do I need to do?
A list of things hit me, from the menial to the trivial and to the all important (pay the rent!)
Then I paused and I wondered what do I want to do?
And I paused again what do I want to do because it advances me?
And so I came to how do I want to advance?
What thing will I do today that allows me to advance in my career, in my life, in my humanity?
What is in my way from answering that question and then acting on it?
I ran the list of to "do's" once again. I discovered that many of these things need to be done. Not much choice. They are the simple social and personal tasks that allow us to live in society. Rent must be paid, garbage taken out, bills paid, food eaten etc. How much time does it take? Given a little bit of thought these tasks, often daily tasks, do not take much time. They do take organization, and thought so they can be put into my day and accomplished but they don't take up much time.
What is left, and what do I want to do? Read a play, work out, edit, write, blog the list goes on. So why am I not doing them? These things in reality take longer. Why? Because I will focus on them and dedicate myself to them and work on them till I feel complete with them. They are not the garbage they are the "breath" of my life. So I asked myself again why am I not accomplishing them? To everyone reading, use me as an example right now and think about it. I would like to read one play weekly, I'm not doing it, but really how hard is it to set aside a total of two hours once a week? or one hour twice a week? or….It is not that hard. It requires effort, it requires planning and thought but it is not that hard.
Comfort is the state in which the individual, for better or worse, is familiar with surroundings, routines, habits and regular motion of the situation the individual is in. Stepping outside of that comfort zone feels insane. Think about that nice warm bed on a cold winter morning and how hard it can be to remove the covers. Yeah, stepping out of the comfort zone is crazy. Staying in it is crazier. I read an article once about abused women. Statistically speaking even after a serious event, something where some level of intervention occurs to help the woman break away from the abuse, the woman will return to the abusive relationship or find herself in another abusive relationship when she moves on. All the "they" people in the world point out that regardless of its detriment to the woman it is a place of comfort, "at least I know what it is like to be abused and what to expect today", that is easier to accept and go to than the fear of, "being alone and never finding a good man", or "finding the courage to simply be alone", or "going home to start again" or…or…or…
I am comfortable doing what I am doing. On my plate, in this comfortable place, are a lot of things that I could be doing to change myself, to grow and achieve. So what is standing in my way? Why am I not doing what I want to do? I have been thinking about this question since I woke up this morning. There is only one answer. I am standing in my way!
I turn it back to you my readers and I ask you this - Are you standing in your own way? If so why and do you want to step out of your comfort zone?
My final thought is one that sits in the belief that the world changes through little actions multiplied thousands of times. If you know someone who stands in their own way, forward them this blog, and see if it offers any impetus for them. See if it generates conversation. See if it effects in any way. And then work with those outcomes.
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