Hello everybody. My apologies for the gap in posts I've been in jolly old England taking a needed vacation. I was fortunate and had some great weather, amazing company in my family and friends and an overall good time catching up, relaxing and in general just living the lazy day moments.
As the impending approach to my return home came closer I noticed a small tension creeping into my system. Bit by bit it started to overtake me. On the final day, as I boarded the plane, I noted that I was very focussed. Focussed in a way that I can only describe as "Steeling myself for the return home."
Examining myself I realized that there was zero desire to come back to this reality. It is not one that I enjoy - let me qualify that. I love my life and my choices to follow the artistic path. Right now there is a lack of work, and I'm not acting enough. Although my bills are being paid through day jobs, which I enjoy, they in the end are not how I want to spend the majority of my time and currently, along with the last many months, the majority of my day is spent at a day job.
This is of course one of the realities which many artists face - the artistic pursuit as a seeming hobby while day to day life is taken care of by other means. Not exactly what we want but something we were aware of when we chose this path. Moving to the idea of choosing our own path I began to reassess what this path is.
From the start I knew this was a path which most likely did not lead to riches, it was a path of challenge, there would be copious struggles while artistic pursuits were funded by day jobs, there would be challenges keeping the moral up, a separation of monetary success from other friends, a fatigue of working more than one job, and it was all worth it because through and through I'm an actor and I love acting.
Not consciously associated to this path was the North American Dream Ideal that regardless of your path if you put in your dues and do the right things you will be lead to success. This is not always the case as the arts go. In truth this has been getting me down. I look at all the steps and think why isn't it working? When will I gain some forward momentum and "be an actor?" What I did not realize for myself is that I have been putting out negative energy - "oh I don't think it can be done", "I've come this far with nothing to show!" etc.
It is my belief that what we put out there is what we get back. Sometimes it is hard to remember and act accordingly. Along with that the universe works in some strange ways and it so happens that as I was flying home I received an email with a link to an interview on - putting the right energy out there.
So today as I watched this wonderful video I heard the speaker say something that stands out for me. That all the time little things are happening that bring us closer to our goals. Like anything else they don't happen immediately and it takes time to build the momentum before these little things add up to a big thing. The irony is if you are focussed on the negative - why hasn't it happened yet?- then you negate the stuff that is already in the works.
An example: Working with a small unknown group is fun but feels like it is going nowhere. You begin to think this is never going to happen, why am I spending my time with this group. Through all of this someone with more clout sees a show notes your work and asks you to a coffee to discuss another show. Now this person is not high on the totem pole either but they are closer. In fact what you don't know is they have one friend who is really high up there and they are coming to see the show you are discussing over coffee when it is presented. You attend your coffee meeting thinking "Wow another small useless company. What am I doing with my life?" and so your poor energy dominates the coffee meeting and this little nobody producer decides "I don't like the way that went, I'll find someone else." Too bad for you cause his buddy is Spielberg, and the lead you just got turned down for is about to be handed to someone else.
Some out there would say that seems extreme but we all know it is based in reality - it may not be Spielberg but another step closer. What it comes down to for me, and what was said in the video, is that we need to show up. We need to bring with us the focus that says we are doing it, we will get there. That is the energy which brings us more. So the challenge is - Show Up!
If you're interested this was the video that gave me that reminder today:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-7Zs-XALDM
