Voicing

Not every day can be roses and sunshine.
People who know me, know I typically don't rant or carry on; well at least they know I do it sparingly.
So today I thought I would voice out loud to you my readers.

Now I don't know who you are and that is okay.  (Side note: thank you to all of you who read these)
I don't like to assume; however, it seems fair that as I am an actor then some of my readers would also be actors.
Following that logic then it would also hold true that many of those actors share some of these struggles.
Today, on behalf of myself and any other actors who may read this, or any artist who can associate to this, I give me (and you) permission to rant.

I am tired of going to auditions where kids half my age have a bigger resume than me.
I am tired of not being able to secure an audition with one of the big companies.
I am tired of not being able to be seen by major casting.

"Do something about it, create your own work, get new demo reel..."

I am tired of reinventing myself, promoting the new show I am in, getting new head shots and demo reel, re doing my wardrobe, contacting casting and artistic directors, getting reviewers out to see my work etc.  I have talked to casting agents and artistic directors and done everything on the lists they have asked and suggested in order to be seen and I am tired of doing it.  The reason I am tired, is that after doing it numerous times not once, not once, has any casting or artistic director come to see my work, or called me in because of the promotion or change.  So I begin to wonder and question: Why do they say do all this if they don't notice.

I will step aside for a moment and give respect to the fact that these people are very busy and they can't see everyone.  I know I have run my own theatre company for seven years, I have co-ordinated a film festival for four, there just are not enough hours in the day.  

With that said I have now been in the industry actively for fifteen years, I have reinvented and invited and and and many times.  There are not enough hours in the day, but over fifteen years you think that there may be some kind of response.

Why does this bother me so much? I'm an actor, I know what I signed up for? I know and understand the struggle?  It bothers me so much, because I am actually getting tired of the flattery.  What?  Yes the flattery.  For the people who do see me, for the companies I do audition for, I am now, after years of training, getting consistent feed back in respects to how good I am, how I shone at that audition, how I stood out from the crowd etc.  I am being recognized for my skills but I am not being hired.  Not being hired means my resume does not grow which means that the bigger companies and casting does not look at me.

So in the immortal words of one of my good friends:
"Flattery don't pay the bills, hire me bitch"

Oh so true.  Like I said not every day can be roses and sunshine.  Everyone has an off day. For a change I decided I would share and not hide behind a fake "I'm fine"

Tomorrow will be a better day.  It always is.